Beginning, Middle, and End.....

"Childhood is what you spend the rest of your life trying to overcome. That's what Momma always says. She says that beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it's the middle that counts the most.Try to remember that when you find yourself at a new beginning. Just give hope a chance to float up. And it will....." Hope Floats movie.
I saw this movie only once, but this quote has been stuck with me ever since. The amount of truth in it is staggering. Right now, I feel that I'm just starting to overcome my childhood. But I'm in the three stages all at once. I'm in the middle, but it's also a new beginning with a very sad ending. How can I handle that? The thoughts in my head are running around all at once. Confusion, determination, guilt, relief, and then belief and determination once again. There's also the tiniest trace of fear - fear of the unknown, fear of failure, fear of venegance.....At times, I'm so sure that I'm doing the right thing. That I am actually being selfless in my desires. Thinking of myself but also thinking of others. Not taking the easy way out. But taking the hardest way out. And then there is the question of identity - is this a lost identity trying to find itself? Or is this an identity that is losing itself? Who am I? What do I want? Am I really broken? I pause and think, and if I am honest with myself - yes I am broken. Even if I don't like the real me. The me who can be broken and who cannot endure forever. The me who wants to be selfish and thinks it's ok to be so. The me who has desires and needs, and doesn't think it's ok to ignore them anymore. But who was I? Why was I so scared of who I really am? Why did I bury all these desires and needs for so long? Why did I pretend I was happy when I was not? Why did I settle for less than what satisfies me? And why am I not settling anymore? Was it a fear of the Divine? Was I taking a path of purity that I could not maintain? Or was I just a normal human being that did not understand her capabilities and limitations, and now I do? But does even knowing that make me feel better? Am I a better or a worse person? Should I even care to know the answer to this question?
I am who I am. I just need to find out who that person is.