AM I A DOORMAT??

So, it's happened again. It feels like shit still. No difference. Didn't get used to it. Still dealing the same way. Bottling it all up. Trying not to think. And when I do think it hurts like hell. Unbearable. I keep thinking what is next? What is out there for me? Everyhting is blank before my eyes. The thing I feared most has happened. No control. Just passing the time. Just living. I hate this feeling. I hate feeling this feeling. I hate succumbing to this feeling. I hate this.....hate it...hate it!!!!

You know what I mean. Forgive me. I am not complaining. Just venting. But you know. I know you know. You give me strength. And knowing this gives me strength. Stay with me. Make me stronger. Make my faith stronger. This is what keeps me going. Make me wise. Let me endure it all the right way. I need you now more than ever. Ya Rab.