Karma

How can I stop the stream of thoughts that lead to nowhere? How can I stop blaming myself for a wrong choice many years ago that you are now paying its dues? How can I rest assured that you will turn out without scars? 

How can I take away the pain inside your little heart?

I look at you and imagine what your life would've been like if I had been wiser. Are you the best possible version of yourself, or will I live to regret being your mother?

Nothing in this cruel world we live in has the ability to break me except your pain. Absolutely nothing. I fall, and get back up, ready for another struggle, with a smile on my face, and a determination stronger than the one preceding it. But now I find myself battered and beaten. Now I find myself looking at your angelic face and cursing myself every moment of my waking day. Now I find myself unable to feel anything, to care about anything, to appreciate anything. 

I want nothing more than to take your pain away. I want nothing more than to give you the sense of security you have lost. I want to reassure you that mummy will always be there for you until the last breath leaves my body. But is this even enough for you?

My little sunshine. My smiling doll. My precious baby. Please be well. Please get past this. Please be as strong as I pray for you to be.

Be my Karma.