Forgive you....not

After all that's been said and done. After all that's been felt and expressed. After the accusations, the blame games, and the bitterness. There is this one thing that it all boils down to. Not that the others don't matter. They do. But they were borne for many years and could've been borne still. Because even though I said there wasn't......there was. Love. Even though I thought there wasn't...now I believe there was. If only for the fact that I can't hate you. After the hurt and the deprivation, I still can't hate you. After the overwhelming sadness and loss, I still forgave you most, but not all. And I never forget.
But you took that one thing away from me. That one thing that I can't forgive nor forget. Every time I take a walk down memory lane, it hurts. Every time a sweet memory reappears, the bitterness surfaces. Every time the calm circles, the anger prevails. Every recall of a positive moment gets overshadowed by negativity. Every happiness that was once felt, is lost to an overbearing yearning. A yearning so profound that it is almost physically painful. Because of this one thing that I can't forgive nor forget.
I don't think I will ever forgive you for that. Not only because of the act, but more so because you knew. You knew. You knew what I would be losing. You knew that I had been always looking for it. You knew how much I wanted it. You knew how much I had been waiting for this my whole life. You knew. You knew because I told you. You knew because I trusted you. You knew because you were the first one to know. You knew.
You took away my home. The only real home I ever knew. The home that was mine. The home that was stable after a lifetime of instability. The home that belonged to me and I belonged to. The home I ran away to. The home that was my escape from multiple pseudo homes. The home that was the family I worked so hard to build. So hard. The walls, the rooms, the closed doors. My home. It was enough. It was worth the tears and the sleepless nights. It was worth the lost identity. It was worth the sacrifices. It was worth it all. My home.
One decision. Just one decision cost me my home. And you knew what that meant to me. You knew. You took away my home. And for that, I will never forgive you. After all that's been said and done.