Him: Do you love me?
Her: What?
Him: Do you love me?
Her: You look so serious, is this a real question?
Him: Yes, I am really asking you, do you love me?
Her: Of course I do, what's gotten into you today?
Him: Nothing. I'm just asking you a simple question.
Her: But why do you need to ask. You should know.
Him: Maybe I just need to hear it.
Her: Honey, is everything ok??
Him: I don't believe this, I am asking you a simple question and you are turning it into an interrogation.
Her: Ok, someone's in a bad mood today.
Him: Yes, I am in a bad mood today. Do you want to know why I'm in a bad mood?? Because my wife, the one I married because I fell in love with the moment I set eyes on, is unable to give me a satisfactory answer to a simple question I asked her.
Her: Honey, you asked me and I said of course I do. What's wrong with you??
Him: What's wrong with me! What's wrong with me! Nothing is wrong with me......I just need to hear more love in your answer. Do I have to beg for your love?? You say that I should know...how should I know?? We hardly see each other. You are either at work or with the kids. You are either tired or in a bad mood. I am the least of your priorities. Actually, I don't think I am one of your priorities.
Her: Hmmmm, what else?
Him: What else......are you mocking me?? Can't you even yell back?? Why aren't you reacting?? Where is the passion and enthusiasm that I so loved in you?? Where is the woman that I thought would rock my world every time I looked at her, even after 50 years?
Her: So you would be a happier man if I was yelling at you now??
Him: You know what? I want a divorce.
Her: What??!!!!
Him: You heard me, I want a divorce. I cannot live this lifeless life anymore. I want more passion, more love, I want more.......
Her: Excuse me, but what about what I want?
Him: Sorry?
Her: I want things too you know. Not asking for them doesn't mean I don't want them.
Him: What things?
Her: Well, I want to be thin and gorgeous like before I was when I had OUR children; I want to have enough money not to have to go out and work in a stupid job to help you out with the finances; I want to make love to you because I want to, not because I have to; I want to have time to read, to dance, to dream..........I want all those things and much, much more. But you know what? I am still happy without them, that's the difference between you and me. Just having you and the kids in my life is enough to make me happy.
Him: I am happy.
Her: Yeah right, obviously.
Him: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you. I have just been extremely frustrated and I didn't want to live this life anymore.
Her: Didn't mean to hurt me!!! Are you out of your mind?? You just asked for a divorce, because I was not yelling back at you. I've just found out the value of our family to you...nothing. You can throw our whole life away, because you want more passion in your life. I don't believe you, I really don't.
Him: That's not what I meant.
Her: Let me ask you, when you hear "I want a divorce", what does that sound like?? Does it sound like someone who doesn't want a divorce?? Does it??
Him: No, what I meant is......
Her: Whatever, forget it.
Him: What do you mean?
Her: I mean forget it. Forget we ever had this conversation. There's no point. Nothing will change. I'll stay the same and you will stay the same. Maybe we'll try to fulfill each others needs for a few weeks and then things will get back to the same old way. Let's be realistic. You can't afford a divorce and neither can I. We have the kids to think of. Life will go on. Your needs and my needs are not really the issue here. It's sad, but it's the truth.......and by the way, I really do love you, just in case you were really asking.
11 comments:
enough reality please :(
*was daydreaming about a beautiful marriage when she stumbled through this post*
Nora, Why not have hope in changing, how will you bare to live the rest of your life without fulfilling your needs?? Come on, this is a positive conversation if you intend to change your way.. he'll change his eventually when noticing your change.
Just to clarify; this post is not about me, it is about no one in particular. It represents a case that I have come across many times. A case where the man and woman are so wrapped up in their own needs that they forget what a marriage is really about. I guess I just wanted to show both points of views (with a bit of drama of course) to those who are willing to change.
MC,
Unfortunately this is reality for many couples.
Jannah,
We can all have a beautiful marriage if we really want to. So, don't be deterred by any negative examples you see around you. Keep daydreaming, and one day your dream will become a reality:)
A very interesting and sad post.
That marriage can be destroyed by an accumulation of so many little things.
Beautifully portrayed Nora... Reading it alone is a little unbearable, imagine living it!!!
Yes, Safiya... I agree
eeeks!!
err. hello :) first time here through Mechanical Crowds' blog...
lol..its a neverending cycle of want.
Am officially depressed :s
Hey Nora,
I think this is beautifully written and very realistic. I go through this all the time (but from the other side) and I'm not married yet. We were friends for 2 years, dated for a year and a half, and now we're engaged. Sometimes he just doesn't find it important to worry about my disappearance, tell me he loves me, or simply tell me he finds me pretty. Whenever I couldn't take it I would break up but we always ended up together again. We love each other madly, yet we can't communicate on the same level.
I'm not sure if proceeding with this marriage is the right thing, because he makes me change my mind back and forth.I love him, but I hate how I'm always begging for attention, love and compliments (I don't think he knows this word exists). Latest thing he did was start training for a horseback riding marathon and signing up for a diving class. He also plans gatherings on weekends with the guys. I feel I don't fit anymore.I think couples reach a point where each of them starts taking their partner for granted.
Cheers!
Sounds like the roles can be switched, him is her, and her is him. More common that way.
That is sad ..
But I don't see this conversation ACTUALLY happening, the feelings do exist and it's very true , but it do not come out this way, these feelings are expressed in other ways.
the human being seems to be dwelling in his/her own world, fighting his/her own demons, thinking the world revolves around him/her.
pure unselfish humanbeings are like unicorns.
Hi Nora...
This was very nicely put. The dynamic of a relationship between a husband and wife after years together and each feeling like they're living separate lives is completely true in today's world. More and more couples are drifting apart due to the demands of life and each partner's needs are being neglected. I had my husband read this post and we had a very nice conversation about it...vowing never to let ourselves get to this point..no matter what...that we would communicate our needs the minute we feel neglect on either side.
It's a real eye opener to the millions of struggling couples out there.
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